Propping- Not Being in Charge

So hey there bloggers! (if anyone reads this). I was thinking it might do some good to say what I've been up to here at Two River. It's been a very valuable learning experience so far, and I expect it to continue.

One of the hardest things for me to do when I first came here was to take a step back and not always have to be running everything. After being in the designer seat for so long, I functioned automatically with the knowledge that instant decisions were expected of me and that if I didn't know the answer, I had to create one on the spot. Whatever I didn't know at the moment would have to be something I learned quickly.

Coming here and finally being the Assistant- where I'm not EXPECTED to be the final word on anything- was quite a shock to the system. I still have to hold myself back quite a bit to keep from being overzealous. I know it's not ideal, but I respect the people I work for too much to want to make them feel like I'm running them over. Not that I don't give my opinion or change into a leadership role when needed- I'm ALWAYS fighting myself to try to not take over. But opinions do come out every which way and 9 out of 10 times they are helpful and appreciated.

It's a good step in getting me to chill out a little. My counselor once said to me that I have a problem with trying to race through life without taking a moment to stop and enjoy the things that really matter, and I believed her, but didn't internalize what that means for me and what I should do about it. Until now... when I'm really suddenly honest to goodness trying to really figure out why I feel I have to be racing all the time. It's a "race" in a way in theatre- a race against time and a race against apathy. But it can really drive ya crazy if you buy into all the hoopla.

So the newest thing I want to do is really take the time and try to concentrate on every task as I'm doing it and nothing else- very zen. I've lost some of that zen quality with work. I would really like it back- not only for spiritual purposes but practical ones as well. That mindframe really seems to expand the clock...

Anyways must get going!

<3 J